I laughed So Hard.....

  In my few decades on this planet I have felt some rather interesting pain. The pain of abrading your face on rough ice in a skiing wipe out (When your face warms up, it's quite interesting), the pain of someone stitching your mostly severed fingertip that's not numbed up, The pain of getting your head stapled with no Novocaine, the pain of crashing onto the still surface of a pool from three meters up.
  All of these have their own pain, each is unique and not something that I would care to repeat. I thought that I had felt most of the types of pain that a non military person could feel. The other day, I was able to expand my pain horizons again.
  I'm sure that most of you have had the unpleasant experience of accidentally snorting water or soda or some fluid through your nose. It's not pleasant and the aftermath is quite messy and embarrassing, just make sure you have a box of tissues. Well, I think I can top that one. You see, the other day I was eating lunch, (WAIT FOR IT) a buffalo chicken salad. I was reading my most recent acquisition from the Library, Fool Moon by Jim Butcher, when the food I was eating started to go down the wrong way. What's a person to do? I started to cough. The problem was, my mouth was still full of food. Now since I'm at my desk, it's covered with computer keyboards, reports for customers, and various and sundry things that I didn't want to spray with food, so I made a choice, a bad one. I decided to cough through my nose.

(Pause for wincing)

  Yes, that's right, I coughed BUFFALO CHICKEN SALAD OUT MY NOSE, complete with blue cheese dressing. The next hour and a half was not the most fun I've ever had. The first twenty minutes I had to fight the urge to snort water through my nose to cool the furious burning in my sinuses. THAT is a pain I'll not soon forget. I can't even describe the feeling, the best I can come up with is imagine someone sticking a blunt soldering iron into your brain, but through your nose. The most embarrassing part of the whole this was that I kept blowing lettuce out my nose for the next hour or so.

Good times.